Why is having a toddler such an Olympic sport? Like, no one warned me that parenting would be equal parts sleep deprivation and survival mode, powered exclusively by caffeine and chaos.

Don’t get me wrong, my kid actually sleeps like a dream now (8:30 to 8:30, bless her tiny heart). She even lets me “sleep in” a bit because she’ll play in her room like the independent little queen she is. But let’s be real, she also survives on a strict diet of ketchup, cheese balls, and pure audacity. Oh, and juice. Lots of juice.

I swear this girl could live off one cookie crumb and still sleep through the night. Which, honestly, good for her but also, maybe eat a vegetable, bestie??

And then there’s the leash.
Yes, I bought my child a leash. Because no one told me about the “run through Target like it’s Coachella” phase. She’s so nosy and curious that she just has to explore everything. Which is great until she disappears behind an end-cap like a tiny gremlin on a mission.

So now, I leash her up like a golden retriever, and honestly? We’re both thriving. She gets to roam, I get to shop in peace, and nobody’s crying by the time we leave. 10/10, would recommend.

But let’s be for real, I have no clue what I’m doing. Every day feels like a new level of chaos that I’m just hoping comes with cheat codes. I pray daily that tomorrow will be an “easy one.” And even though I know this phase goes fast (and I’ll absolutely miss it when it’s gone), having her makes me both excited and terrified for another.

Because let’s face it, I’m not sure I’m built to handle two tiny humans plotting against me for the rest of my life.

The Steamy Sips Blog

Because caffeine, smut books, and late-night impulse buys are a vibe.